Next week we shall have a No Excuse Sunday in order to enable everyone to attend church.

• A cot will be placed in the center aisle for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep."
• Murine^® will be placed in the holy water fonts to help those people whose eyes are tired and red from watching TV too late on Saturday night.
• Steel helmets will be provided for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever went to church."
• Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who think it is too hot.
• We will have hearing aids for those who say, "The priest speaks too softy." Cotton will be given to those who say, "He speaks too loudly."
• Score cards will be provided for those who wish to count all the hypocrites present.
• One hundred TV dinners will go to those who say they cannot go to Mass and also cook their dinner on Sunday.
• Relatives will be invited for those who like to go visiting them on Sundays.
• A section of the sanctuary will be devoted to grass and trees for the benefit of those who like to find God in nature.
• A putting green will be set up in the vestibule for the people who say, "Sunday is my only day to play golf."
• Last but not least, the sanctuary will be decorated with both Easter lilies and Christmas poinsettias, for those who have never seen the church without them!
Author Unknown